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I heard Esme gasp. So I am sticking with Bella, every minute, to help her through it, and keep them both safe. Bella continued to watch my face, her eyes now full of unnecessary apologies. Carlisle stared silently for a moment at Rosalie, his face hard. He certainly understood her interest in this, but he felt it was at the expense of Bella's safety. His mind battled between anger and sympathy for her feelings.
I growled softly. Carlisle sighed, and decided he would not even try to reason with Rosalie. He looked at Bella, his face pained. He sought to reassure her. I will do everything I can to keep you safe and healthy when we remove the I can go over the procedure with you if Her face hardened slightly. I'm not afraid. I don't want you to take this baby away from me. I just stood, staring, letting him carry on the conversation.
I didn't think I could speak rationally. I'm so sorry, but this is the only way. But instead I saw a flash of determination in her eyes.
She shook her head. Why do you say that? This is our baby, Edward's and mine. We made it, and I won't let you hurt him. How can she be thinking this is possible? Talk to her. I took a deep breath to steady myself. I tried to make my voice calm and reasonable.
She could see reason, right? We don't know what it will be like, what it might be doing to you right now. What I heard on the island is that it will be strong. It will hurt you. My voice dropped to an agonized whisper. I ascertained she knew what the word morte meant, and had already considered that.
My panic grew even more intense. What had she been resolving on that plane ride home? How far was she willing to go? Clearly it is growing fast. Too fast. We have to act quickly. Her hands moved to her stomach and a deep blush rose onto her cheeks. Her scent swirled strong around the room. A tenor of thirst flared up at the edge of everyone's thoughts, indefensible in this moment, and yet, as ever, omnipresent in our lives.
She sighed, looking down at her hands on her stomach. Her eyes moved to mine, and although she didn't say anything, I could see the answer in her eyes. Yes, she would. She would die, as she almost had many times, because of me, for me. For the monster I had created. Seeing the look on my face, she paled, and the corners of her mouth turned down. Alice spoke for the first time, lifting her head painfully from her hands.
Bella stared at Alice, concern on her face, but then slowly shook her head. Rosalie nodded vigorously. Oh Edward, Alice moaned in her head. She's not hearing us. Alice's eyes tightened with pain and worry. I can't find her future. We can't lose her like this. Jasper, watching her face carefully, squeezed her shoulder in reassurance.
Jasper's thoughts had been focused solely on Alice this whole time. He was letting the pain in her head wash through him, wanting to bear it as she did, wishing he could absorb it from her. But now he looked up at Bella, a hard expression on his face. Whatever was growing inside of Bella was causing Alice physical pain. The idea of something hurting Alice was excruciating, and unacceptable, to Jasper. His very existence was wrapped around loving and protecting Alice, much as mine was for Bella.
This raised his level of hatred towards the creature near to even mine, and he viewed its unknown future with fear. Jasper was resolved that, right now, the best way to help Alice, and save Bella, was to get that thing out. He was, as always, single minded and fierce in his purpose.
Carlisle's thoughts hit me then, loud and desperate. Edward, I don't know if I can get through to her. We may have to do this another way — if we can get her alone, I can give her enough morphine to put her under and then I don't want to take away her choice. But I can't let her die. Carlisle's thoughts began to disintegrate in confusion and despair.
But mine became crystal clear. I would get Bella alone, and I would try to convince her to change her mind. And if I couldn't — how far would I go to save her?
I thought I knew. But first, I needed to get her away from Rosalie. I began to strategize in my head. I would incapacitate Rosalie enough to get Bella from her arms. I would need Jasper to take on Emmett. As I made my decision the vision started forming in Alice's head. And as she resolved her course of action it became clearer. Alice glanced up at Jasper, and, sensing our resolve, he seemed to read her mind.
Alice and I would go straight over the table. Jasper could come around to be at Emmett's back. Alice would hold off Rosalie once I had Bella. The initial confrontation was blurry, but further ahead the vision was clear.
Alice could only see herself, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie. She felt this meant I was somewhere else with Bella. She searched the future, struggling to figure out the best way to contain Rosalie and Emmett, while Carlisle and I could attend to Bella. Alice hoped that Jasper could calm them enough to allow her to reason with Rosalie. But she kept seeing images of the four of them struggling with each other.
I cringed away from the visions of my siblings fighting. This would be the worst thing that had ever happened to my family. There would be scars, more emotional than physical, that would take a long time to heal.
But right now, the focus had to be saving Bella. I saw Jasper move his eyes to Emmett, and he took an imperceptible step backwards. Jasper's thoughts were cool and unemotional now, his battle-trained brain thinking only of strategy. Emmett stiffened, sensing Jasper's movement. He lifted his eyes from Rosalie to Jasper, making his own small, defensive move.
Rosalie's glare darkened and she gripped her hands together, strengthening her hold on Bella. Alice's chair shifted slightly. Be very careful of Bella, she warned me. I didn't even dare look at Carlisle and Esme as I tensed for the fight. Carlisle called in my head. She will probably hate you for this. She may never forgive you. I shook my head. I didn't care. That was a small price to pay for Bella's safety. She would be alive, and I would take that punishment a thousand times over if I had to.
To allow this to continue was a death sentence for Bella, one imposed by me. Suddenly, Jasper let go of the tenuous hold he had been keeping over the mood of the room, and the true weight of all our emotions came crashing back.
Those tensing for battle were filled with anxiety and rage. Carlisle's mind was crippled with pain as he struggled with his decision to see the procedure through, although he did not waver from his resolve that ending the pregnancy was the only way to save Bella.
But Esme — I heard her suck in a sharp breath. And in that moment Alice's visions of the fight disappeared completely. The future shifted. A vision appeared of my face, drawn and tortured, burning from the inside. I stared back at myself, knowing what would be the only thing to put that kind of pain on my face. I gripped the chair in front of me, my face contorting with anguish, as I realized that whatever decision Esme had made, it changed everything.
I searched, and found her mind was filled with And compassion. She spoke her thoughts as they materialized in her mind. Her sorrowful eyes stayed on my wretched face.
Could she see me dying inside? Esme stood up, and placed her hand on Carlisle's arm. He glanced up at her, confusion and worry on his face. You can't take away this baby. Bella wants him. She loves him. It's her choice. Bella glanced up at Esme, her eyes full of thanks. Carlisle sighed and put his face in his hands. He didn't agree, but he wouldn't go against Esme. Carlisle was the leader of this family.
But in decisions that involved love, Esme shone brightest, and Carlisle would follow. We had lost him. Alice, Jasper and I remained resolved, but I knew it was over.
I tried to strategize new attacks, looking for visions from Alice. But none came. Because we all knew we would not make a decision that would lead to a physical altercation that might involve Esme. And now that she stood with Bella, it seemed she was ready to protect her. And the thing inside her.
A wave of utter sadness washed through me at this thought. Bella needed to be protected from me. How had it come to this? Carlisle's thoughts floated to me. Try and talk to her again, Edward, he thought. At least try.
I moved slowly around the table towards Bella. Emmett moved protectively in front of her and Rosalie, but I held my hands up submissively. I ignored her and kept moving forward. Emmett looked into my eyes, and I pleaded silently with him. He moved aside and Rosalie let out a disgusted sigh. I kept my eyes on Bella, uncertain if I could look at Rosalie without betraying my murderous hate. And if Emmett saw that, he would move again to protect her.
Bella glanced, shocked, at Rosalie. But then she said, "but please don't let me go, Rose," and that small spark died away. I could almost envision the smug look on Rose's face, but I pushed it away, desperate for this moment with Bella.
I knelt beside her and held out my hand. She pulled hers out from Rosalie's tight grasp and took it. I caressed her warm, soft skin with my fingers, and then wrapped my hand around hers. Just for a moment. God, she was so beautiful. Surely she could see how scared I was for her. How much I loved and needed her. She wavered, and an image from Alice flashed of Bella and I alone, upstairs, and then blurred out quickly. But then she glanced down and said, "no, Edward, not right now.
I'm so sorry. I pressed on, not giving up. Her touch burned, it was almost torture. He is yours and mine. Part of us. I want him. I closed my eyes to block it out. She was delusional. This was a fantasy.
I opened my eyes and looked at her lovely face. I can't live without you. There is no me, I doesn't exist, without you. The ties that bound us were unbreakable, even in death.
I would follow her, always, anywhere. Bella's expression grew intense, her molten chocolate eyes boring into mine. Deep inside, I know this is not a mistake, it was meant to be.
I did not feel the same. Bella's face softened. She moved her hand back down to squeeze mine, her delicate fingers brushing against my skin like feathers. I can do that, and you will save me. Saw her plan. This thing would kill her from the inside, and then I would kill her from the outside.
She would let it destroy her, and hope that venom, my venom, could save her. But it was a dream. A dream within the nightmare.
I looked at her fragile body, not built to withstand this world of monsters and demons I had brought her into. I wouldn't be able to save her. I couldn't speak any more. I knew all the arguments I would make, and I knew they wouldn't work. I lowered my head. Esme put a hand on my shoulder. The rest of my family stood frozen around us, except for Rosalie, who shifted impatiently. I didn't look up. I didn't want her to see the emotions on my face. No, I thought. It will kill you. But I said nothing.
I knew now that these words would hurt her even more, and I just couldn't do that right now. I felt lost inside. The future loomed before me, monstrous and unknown. Decision made. Bella is tired and probably hungry. They sat on the couch together. I watched them go, and then dragged myself slowly over and stood by the couch.
I could do nothing but stare down at Bella. I couldn't move my face to respond. She shivered at my expression, and Rosalie, misinterpreting, snapped at Emmett. Thank you for everything," Bella said, looking up into Rose's face.
Rose smiled down at her and touched her cheek. Rage and hatred boiled inside me. Then I saw her eyes slip down to Bella's stomach, and I knew what she was really talking to. Lists of equipment he would need. How to get an ultrasound machine.
Wanting to download more blood. Thinking about what we knew. The thing would tear its way out of the womb, killing the mother. Killing the mother. I glanced up and saw my reflection in the glass wall. My face was the face from Alice's vision. I was burning. Chapter 3—Lullaby I thought the moments had passed slowly on the long flight home. I was wrong. If time had gone slow then, it turned to a merciless crawl now, each passing second eating away a little part of me.
And yet, suddenly, the day was gone. Time, slowly slipping away from us, and I had wasted it. I watched as my family moved around Bella, taking care of her. I knew I was being useless. But I couldn't seem to move, despair had me pinned. Bella didn't eat much dinner.
Esme made her three kinds of eggs, but she only picked at them, while apologizing profusely to Esme for her lack of appetite. She barely drank as well, and this caused Carlisle to frown and worry.
I stood by the couch, watching her.
I struggled to smooth my face, to erase the image of myself I had seen earlier. I knew it would scare Bella. It scared me. But every time Bella looked at me, I knew the shadow of it was still there. I could see it reflected in her eyes, see it in the way her face stiffened and paled.
We didn't speak. I didn't dare. So instead I watched. I shut out the thoughts of my family; I couldn't bear to hear them anymore. Eventually Bella yawned and her eyelids drooped. Someone had placed a pillow, next to her, on the couch and she lay down on it. Rosalie arranged the blanket on her, and the sat down at the end of the couch with Bella's feet in her lap. I stared. A moment passed. I knew I was being awful.
I should kneel down, gather her in my arms, and sing her to sleep with her lullaby. But I couldn't do it.
Fear gripped me, held me too tightly, a vice at my throat. I was afraid if I touched her, loved her like that, the emotions burning inside me would burst out, making us both victims of the fear, self-loathing, and despair I felt. So I remained frozen, and watched as her face slowly started to fall. With horror I saw a glisten of tears start to form in her eyes. It turned out that I could hate myself more. Do something, dammit. My voice didn't sound like my own.
It echoed strangely in my ears. She smiled a little at this, and settled into the pillow. I went over to the piano and sat down. The room was growing dark as evening fell. Never taking my eyes off Bella, I began to play the lullaby I had written for her so many lives ago. The notes rang through the house, gliding up and down the keyboard, as my love's eyelids began to fall and then close. I watched as her features softened and relaxed, falling into the elusive peace of human sleep. She looked so beautiful.
In my distraction the walls I had been holding to the other's thoughts slipped, and I was suddenly hit full force with my family's combined memories brought on by the song I was playing.
Their memories of when I had first met and fallen in love with Bella. When I had sat at this piano, and composed this lullaby. I stopped, my hands frozen over the keys, paralyzed by the pain brought on by this onslaught. I tried to block it out but now my own memories were coming. Bella, asleep in her bed, pale face glowing slightly in the moonlight. Edward, I love you. Sitting beside me as I played this melody for her the first time, crystal tears shining on her pale cheeks My head fell into my hands.
Make it stop, I thought. I felt a movement next to me. It was Alice, sitting silently on the piano bench. She moved closer and laid her head on my shoulder.
I turned and pressed my face into her soft, black hair. She had her own scent, like warm citrus, and it helped to calm me. The unknown. I'm scared, too," she said softly.
For Bella. Pain twisted in my chest. I turned my head, keeping my cheek against her head. She wanted to stay human with me, for a little while longer Suddenly, her mind filled images she had been hiding from me. Memories of her visions. Bella and I, sitting on a grassy campus, the leaves in the trees surrounding us a wild mixture of red, yellow, orange.
Brick buildings in the background. Bella and I in a college classroom, hands held tight under the desk. Charlie's house, a half-decorated Christmas tree, Bella laughing, blushing, human It was too late. I sucked in my breath and pulled sharply away from her. Icy realization stabbed at me. These were images she must have seen when Bella and I were away on Isle Esme. When we had talked about Dartmouth. When we had talked about more time.
Yes, crystal clear. Alice moaned softly. All gone. Her future is all but gone to me. Alice's head fell and she seemed to crumple into herself. Jasper appeared behind her, wrapping her body in his long arms. I wrenched myself off the bench and away from them.
I went over and stood by the couch, looking at Bella's face. I had destroyed that future. Her future. My monstrous nature, my very existence, had ripped it away from her, before it even had a chance. I didn't know why this hurt so much, I should be used to it by now. I had been destroying her future since the day I laid my eyes on her.
But just that it had been so close, within our grasp, what she wanted, what I wanted to give her. The shimmering, happy future of Alice's visions, so real, so cruelly extinguished, began to rip me apart. I wrapped my arms around myself. My mind dredged up a memory, from Jacob's mind, of how Bella used to wrap her arms around herself to keep the pieces together when I had left her.
That's what I did now. Somewhere, Fate laughed darkly. I squeezed harder, and felt myself pulling in short breaths through my clenched teeth.
I was sinking, spiraling into uncontrollable despair. Suddenly, the feeling of overwhelming bliss rocked me. Waves of serenity washed over me, relaxing my muscles as my arms fell to my side.
Momentarily, I floated, at peace. Then I shook my head sharply, and realized Jasper was standing beside me, his fingers lightly touching my arm. I shook him off roughly. Get a grip on yourself, man, he thought. Jasper was becoming overwhelmed by my emotions. He wanted to leave the house, to get away from me, but Alice wanted him to stay. He continued to send the waves of calm at me, although they were less potent without his touch Bella needs you, he chided me. Then disappeared.
The feeling of calm left swiftly with him as the pain roared back in. But I was in better control now, and he was right. I was turning this into something about me, when it was all about Bella.
I clenched my fists in frustration at myself. I looked down at Bella's sleeping form, and thought I ought to carry her up to the bed.
I leaned over to pick her up and bring her upstairs. My arms were knocked away as Rosalie pushed herself between Bella and me. She hissed. She stumbled and then sprang back, growling. Emmett materialized on the other side of the couch, and I felt Jasper back at my shoulder.
The four of us stared at each other for a long moment. I felt my earlier rage at Rosalie returning, growing. Jasper sensed it, and became concerned. He still had my back but didn't want this to turn into anything. He struggled to spread calm over the group. She sighed, and looked down at Bella with something, like tenderness, in her eyes. I narrowed my eyes, unconvinced.
I could not find that sentiment in her mind. Then she looked back up and her expression hardened. Do you really think I'm going to do anything now? But would I? My eyes flickered to Bella, and I wondered if, given the chance, I would still try to change things against her will, knowing how she felt. I honestly didn't know. I looked back at Rosalie and could see in her mind that she didn't trust me at all. I growled. She was not spending the night with Bella and me in my room.
No, not just mine, it was Bella's room as well now. Our room. Our bed. Fury and despair coursed through me. Hard fingers clenched onto my arm and the calm relaxed me again. Stop it, Edward. Jasper was frustrated. He didn't want to be here, feeling my despair, helping me control my volatile emotions.
He wanted to be with Alice, she was in pain. I fought the urge to scream at him. Scream at them all. How the hell did they expect me to feel about this? But, instead, I let him fill me with peace, embracing the calm this time. Slowly it morphed into something like resigned defeat.
Bella was sleeping soundly on the couch; I would let her be. I sunk down to my knees next to her. Rosalie shrugged and sat back down. The others lingered briefly, but then disappeared as Carlisle knelt down next to me. How fast do you think it is growing, Edward? Have you noticed any changes, any growth, since you left the island? I glanced down at Bella's stomach.
I was embarrassed to admit I had completely avoided looking at, or touching, that part of her since we had found out. Some husband.
I hadn't wanted to even acknowledge it. Now I reached over and touched her stomach gently. I could feel the small bulge that hadn't been there before. I snatched my hand away as if I had been burnt.
Rosalie eyed us suspiciously, wondering what we were talking about. Well, I will examine her tomorrow. Take some measurements, so we can start to judge its growth. It's obviously accelerated, but maybe not that much.
We will have some time to try to figure things out. His eyes flickered over to Rosalie. Carlisle then stood, patted me on the shoulder, and left, his thoughts still tangled up in possible outcomes. I looked again at Bella's stomach. Really, how fast could it grow? Time, we needed time. Looking at Bella's fragile body, I wanted to gather her into my arms, never let her go, protect her. But could I protect her this time? My helplessness terrified me. Sitting so close to Rosalie, it was hard to block out her thoughts.
Now that she had gotten her way, the angry, defensive walls were down. She viewed the pregnancy with an excitement that bordered on frenzied. In her darker moments, when her long buried mothering instincts screamed for release, Rosalie had explored all available information on human pregnancy.
As if that knowledge could somehow erase the fact that she was a cold, unchanging monster. Now her mind flickered with the thousands of images of babies she had memorized during her immortal existence.
Nausea, exhaustion — she listed in her head with satisfaction the normal early signs of pregnancy that Bella had shown. Rosalie was determined not to let Carlisle and I contort the pregnancy into something ugly. But she also could not hide the fear that crept around the corners of her mind. Even as deluded and self-centered as Rosalie was, she could not deny seeing the inherent danger of the situation, to both Bella and the thing inside of her. Still, at least in the forefront of her mind, she had herself convinced that Bella would survive.
I could but only guess at what lurked in the deeper parts of her consciousness, where I couldn't see. She glanced down at Bella, and, in a twisted way, realized she understood how I was feeling. She knew what she would be capable of doing to protect Emmett, if it was his life that was in danger. But this thought only served to remind her what she was up against. She was concerned about my ability to influence Bella, and didn't trust that I still wouldn't try to use my persuasive power to sway her.
She wondered how to undermine Bella's trust in me, and wedge herself between us. My sudden fury at these thoughts caught me off guard, and I gasped in an unintentional quick breath. Rosalie eyes shot to mine, and her expression darkened. I realized I had unknowingly been leaning towards hers, my fists clenched.
She was abruptly furious, at herself for leaving her thoughts unguarded, and toward me for pulling them from her head. Her eyes narrowed and she stared straight forward again, cutting off all thoughts of the present, recalling instead a human baby, one I had seen countless times in her mind before. A brown haired baby, who she dreamed of holding in her arms.
The memories were human, weak, and it was easy to shut them out, which I did. I did not want to see her dreams, when she had a hand in destroying mine. I blocked out all thoughts I looked at Bella, filling my mind only with her, and let her beating heart and gentle breaths calm me. Her face was very still, its beauty radiating out to hold me, and draw me closer. I leaned over slowly, and with the slightest pressure, touched my lips to hers. Her warmth, magnified a thousand times where our skin touched, spread through me.
Then I leaned back onto my knees. Let her sleep now. I became perfectly still, and so, the first night passed. Eventually, light began to filter back into the room. Bella had slept soundly, as she had on the island. Now she moved restlessly in her sleep, and made a small noise. I unfroze, and for the first time all night my eyes left her face. I trailed my eyes over down her body and stopped when they rested on her stomach. Something about the way the blanket lay against her caught me. Slowly, I moved my arm and pulled back the blanket.
Rosalie unfroze, watching me with wary eyes. I looked carefully, and then Fear had me in her steely grip again. He appeared immediately, followed by the others, who had heard the panic in my voice. I stood up. I sucked in air sharply. It's bigger. The bulge was shockingly larger than last night. At least three times bigger. Then, as we all watched, Bella's stomach moved.
Almost imperceptibly, but we saw it. Seven statues took a step back in shock. A multitude of thoughts collided with me, the emotions different but the realizations the same. Growing fast. It moved again, and Bella winced in her sleep.
A chorus of breaths sucked in. A long moment of silence. Then, Bella opened her eyes, and looked up in surprise. Seven pairs of dark golden eyes, emotions ranging from excitement, to concern, to horror, looked back.
Chapter 4 —Confession The morning light brought no hope with it. Things were progressing fast, whether we wanted them to or not, right in front of our eyes. Everything felt shadowed by an oppressive cloud of uncertainty, fear and dread. Esme cooked eggs for breakfast, which Bella pushed around her plate with an unhappy look on her face. I could tell she had no interest in eating.
Now I sat watching Rosalie run her cold, white hand carefully over Bella's stomach, as Bella smiled at her, and I fought back the urge to scream. Son, can I talk to you alone for a minute? The lights in the trees glimmered as Edward Keep Reading We snorkeled well, I snorkeled while he flaunted his ability to go without oxygen indefinitely. We explored the small jungle that ringed the rocky little peak.
We visited the parrots that lived Keep Reading I could see their dark ruby eyes glinting with desire, lusting for the kill. Their lips pulled back over their sharp, wet teeth—some to snarl, some to smile.
I heard the child behind me whimper, Keep Reading After all, one quick call to Sam and the game would be up. Probably try to make me angry, or even hurt me—somehow force me to phase so that Sam could lay down a new law. Like I was in some Goth version of a bad sitcom. Embry and Quil were at my sides, waiting for me to recover and take the point. I could feel the drive, the need, to get on my feet and lead them.
The sun had risen behind the clouds an hour ago—the forest was gray now instead of black. I could hear them debating whether they should warm it up for her. I wondered what all house-of-horrors stuff they kept around here.
Fridge full of blood, check. What else? Torture chamber? Coffin room? Still on alert? My eyes quickly caught a small change in the now-familiar scene. There was a stack of light-colored fabric on the bottom step of the porch.
He was already picking up the north half of the circle. Nothing but nothing. I stretched and decided I was rested Keep Reading So I was at a loss when I mashed the button on the keyless remote, and it was not his Volvo that beeped and flashed its lights for me. All the while, her face was blank— unconscious.
It was the wild thrashing from inside the center of her body that moved her. As she convulsed Keep Reading Exactly that—I was bewildered. NEW Everything was so clear. The brilliant light overhead was still blinding-bright, and yet I could plainly see the glowing strands of the filaments inside the bulb.
I could see each color of the rainbow in the white light, and, at the very edge of the spectrum Keep Reading The angles of the rocks below were sharper than I would have imagined them. So many questions. Being linked barely slowed us. I should have been closer. No way!